I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
