matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
