We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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