The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
