the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize