Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
