Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
