The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Terrible idea I love it
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
