i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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