the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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