just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
