Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
