Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
