we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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