can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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