Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
