he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
