I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
