birth control should be required to get into college
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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