Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize