God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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