my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
