Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
