I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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