we have pet lesbian snakes
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
