your parents love me but you hate me
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
