I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
