I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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