Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
