Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
