No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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