She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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