Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
