Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
