I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
