I cannot find my penis.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
