i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We named our party play list daddy issues
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
