Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Hippo gnu deer
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
