I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize