He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
