One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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