oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize