God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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