when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
