I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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