so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize