I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
