She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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