hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
