Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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