Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
