9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
