Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
