Your dad touched me again.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
