I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
