Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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