There is no way he is gay with that hair.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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