You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
