I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
