Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
