dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
