i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
