I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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