Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
