put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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