Soap is not a condiment
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
