dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
PANTIES FOUND
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