if i can run in heels then i can drive
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
