My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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