we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
