I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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