One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
