he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
