Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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