I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
