I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
