im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
