Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize