Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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