I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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