Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
