I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You made out with two different species that night
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
