The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
