Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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