Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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