Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
