Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
