And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
