the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
