let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
