I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
