I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
