Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
