yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
