Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
