Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
