I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
