I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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