Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
