no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
