Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
