he shaved USA in his pubs
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
