Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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