I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
