Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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